Re-wilding for yourself

 

The picture above is from my lovely secret wildflower bit in my garden. I try and make all my garden friendly to nature, I describe it as being wild around the edges, kind of like me. The wildness both within and without is something I hold dear to me, it's an essential part of who I am.

I was bought up very rigidly by my mother, there were physical and verbal consequences if I didn't do the right thing in her eyes. As a consequence I became a shy, withdrawn and afraid child with no self confidence. I was in effect a little doll to be dressed up and shown around but I wasn't allowed a personality of my own. I had to tow the line dictated to me even if I didn't always know what that line was until it was too late.

I lived my life like that for a lot of years, well into adulthood, unhappy, unfulfilled and not knowing who I actually was as a person inside. It bought me untold pain and internal conflict because I wasn't being true myself. 

It's been a long, and still ongoing process, of rewilding myself. Finding out who I am, having the courage to use my voice, discovering what I like, and what I don't like. Gradually over the years I've sowed wildflower seeds in my soul, I've embraced the wilder aspects of myself and I've flourished like my wildflower garden has.

I realised the only time I care what someone else thinks about me is when it's someone special and dear to me. It doesn't matter if other people disapprove or dislike what I do, it matters whether I'm happy and whether I'm being fulfilled by doing it. Life is a very short thing, keep that wildness around the edges and the twinkle in your eyes.