Seasons Greetings and plans for 2025

 

Season's greetings! It's that time of year on The Fens when things can be a winter wonderland, or a sea of mud! It's a natural thing at this time of year to follow nature, to rest, recuperate and plan for new growth to come.

I plan to continue with my Etsy shop and I would also like to get better at filmmaking. My goal isn't to have a big business or increase money, it's to build something for myself. I'd like something I can be proud of, because I did it on my own. Since I hand make everything, from my bookmark packaging, to the cards and stickers I send with orders, what I do is a passion project not a financially viable business. I spend far more time making, photographing, listing, packing, fliming, editing and so on, that I have to love and have personal purpose to what I do.

It's only in the past few years I realise I never became the person I could have been, I never fulfilled any of my potential in life. I've always been shy and struggled with confidence. This wasn't my fault, it was due to very early childhood, and neither is it something I can actively change. It's so deep within me it's the same as the reflex reaction when you put your hand on something very hot.

Peope can be judgemental and lack empathy about things like confidence. There's an attitude you should just change, or you're written off. And for people like me who never developed a sense of self and had that nutured as a child, you end up being buffeted about by life, and believing there's something wrong with you. I was also a chameleon, trying to fit myself to what others wanted, because that was how I was conditioned to be. It's taken a long time to learn who I really am, and I'm still on that journey.

Working with animals, in particular with Star, has taught me a great deal about myself. As has ultra distance cycling. I discovered through cycling that I didn't need confidence, courage is more important. Courage is acting when you are unsure and afraid. It's keeping going and enduring difficulty.

Any ultra cyclist will tell you that you go to dark places on those rides. Everything hurts, often you get a multitude of issues including digestive ones and running out of carbohydrates. I've taken all the skin off my inner thighs and had excruciating saddle sores. However I kept going. I went to a place inside myself and discovered a strength I didn't know I had. 

I've gone through a lot of changes as a person in the past few years, done a lot of work on myself and also a lot of healing. Although I have grief for what I lost, I also recognise I wouldn't be who I am without all those experiences. I embrace my sensitivity and put that into my art.

As I've changed I've found new passion in what I do and I enjoy sharing that. I'm thrilled when someone makes a purchase of my work or enjoys looking at a picture I've done. My goal is to look at my shop and my videos, and smile and think I did that. Art is my expression of my love of nature, and if it helps others appreciate it a bit more, then that's good too.

I wish all those who have supported me a wonderful festive season, and peaceful New Year.